Can you please explain me to ... ME?

A preface for those who aren't familiar with the Mormon culture: We put a huge emphasis on the family in our church. We believe that God's command to Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish is still in force. So, as a church we tend to marry a bit younger and have kids a bit sooner than the rest of the world. Hopefully that will help you understand why, at the ripe old age of 19.5, I was so concerned about not being married yet. Although, if I remember right from my class, the average marrying age for LDS (Latter-day Saint - it's an acronym we call ourselves from the full name of the church: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) women is 23 and for LDS men is 25. So even within the church I was being pretty dramatic and ridiculous!

Caroline (my BF from my single college days), me, and Claire (roommate) celebrating Caroline's birthday.
I think I need to tone down the white eyeshadow ... just a TAD.

A roommate ... I don't remember her name ... but we have the same birthday.
I loved those flipflops. In fact, I finally trashed em when we moved out here to Baltimore!
On a road trip Caroline and I took to Ricks College.
Little did I know that one day that would be my name!

A couple days ago Sam pulled the book Teaching by the Spirit off our bookshelf. The book was mine long before Sam and I met - a dear friend, Sissy Hooper, sent it to me while I was in the MTC (the Missionary Training Center where we go to learn the language and practice teaching the gospel before our missions). He opened the book, and inside he found a shrunken copy of a paper I wrote for my Marriage Prep class at BYU in January 2002. It was the first assignment of the class, and we were supposed to answer the question, "Am I ready for marriage?"

Janae Smith
MFHD 301

Reflection Paper #1

Am I ready for marriage?

NO. There is no way that I am ready for marriage! But let me explain. I’m not one of those “I hate boys” or “I’m serving a mission, period, end of story” girls. To be honest with you, I’m actually in absolute shock that I’m not married yet. [Right now I'm in absolute shock that I would say something so dumb.]

As a 15-year-old girl I told my patriarch that he shouldn’t bother mentioning a mission, there was no way I’d make it! I’d for sure be married by then. [That's not quite true. I never mentioned my getting married too soon to him. I only told him not to mention a mission ... I didn't say this then, but it was because I didn't WANT to serve a mission. The marriage thing is just an excuse I threw in the paper because I felt guilty admitting that I thought badly of sister missionaries and didn't want to be one.] Four days after my 18th birthday I was proposed to by an incredible guy – smart, handsome, RM [an acronym for 'return missionary' - meaning that he served a 2-year Mormon mission], good family, everything I could have asked for. I just wasn’t in love, or even in like, with him. [Not true, I had a huge old crush on the guy.] But at that point marriage became a real possibility. Marriage was prevalent in my mind – all the time. And so I got this mindset: I will probably be married or engaged by Fall semester of my sophomore year.

The time came . . . and the time went . . . and there I was, baffled. Where in the world is Mr. Right?! Soon I started getting scared. “Oh no! I’m already a junior!" [I was a Junior credit-wise halfway through my sophomore year. I wrote this at the very beginning of Winter semester of my sophomore year - it had only been a month since my Fall semester "deadline" had passed. I am so ridiculous.] What if I graduate BYU single?! Where will I go? What will I do?” Okay, okay, so we tease people who think that, but I was honestly getting worried. But then everything changed . . .

Over this last Christmas break I flew to Santiago, Chile, where my parents are serving a mission. [Ironically, this is when I met Sam for the first time, but I had a supercute boyfriend at the time and didn't care one whit about him, and he was a missionary and cared even less less about me.] While there our family got together with the other Mission President families a number of times and it was then that I met Chalonn Christensen. She is beautiful, smart, funny, an absolutely endearing person. She served a mission and is attending BYU. She is incredible. And she is single. And she is 25. Now THAT was a lot to think about. And so I thought, and I thought, and I thought.

For two weeks strait I thought about Chalonn and about marriage. Then, one night, I attended the wedding reception of a good friend. I was alone for the 45-minute drive and spent the majority of it in quiet and deep contemplation. As I neared home I realized that there is no way that I am ready to get married.

[Here is where mush ensues. I have a hard time reading it without activating my own gag reflex. Feel free to skip to the end.] I am a firm believer that you marry someone a lot like you. Because of that, I feel that I cannot expect to marry a very spiritual person if I’m not spiritual, or expect to marry a very patient person if I’m not patient, and so on. [Baloney. I haven't an ounce of patience in my body, and Sam is the most patient person alive.] I’ve believed that, and worked on it, for years. But on that drive home I realized that I want much more out of my husband than I can give right now.

First things first . . . I want a man who is gentle and kind. Someone who is cautious with what they say and careful about hurting people. I want someone who doesn’t speak unkindly of others, but is a champion of the underdog. He should always be willing to help those in need and never think of himself. I want him to compliment others, to build them up and help them see who they really are. And I want him to be patient, oh so patient. Willing to love in spite of mistakes, willing to step back or slow down, willing to do whatever is necessary. [Sam is measuring up perfectly so far!]

He should be a return missionary, but not just any return missionary. He should have served faithfully and valiantly. He should have given more than just himself, he should have given his all. I want him to be a better person each and every day, and I want him to strive to be like our Savior Jesus Christ. I want him to love the scriptures, so much that he longs to teach the stories to our children. I want him to be stalwart and strong, an example of goodness in all that he does. [Check!]

And I want him to be happy, to look at the good things, to be an optimist. I want him to be clean, pure, and chaste. And, I want him to keep his life and mind that way always. Last of all, I want him to love God more than me, and love me more than anything else. [Dang, I married GOOD!]

If I am to become all the qualities that I want in a husband, I have got a lot of work to do. But I’m doing it, day by day, line upon line, and precept upon precept. Someday I’ll get there, and I’ll be ready. [I'm not even CLOSE to being that person I described, so according to my naive theory I should have never gotten married.] And when I am, my wonderful husband and I can continue to work, but this time we’ll do it together.

The question is, WHY ON EARTH DID I HAVE A MINIATURE COPY OF THIS?? And as a side thought, how did it end up in a book I got on my mission? Ironically, writing this paper was one of the main things that helped me decide to serve a mission. Not one month later I had my mission call. But that is a story for another day.