I am normal. I am not brilliant. I am not beautiful. I am nothing special. (Okay, okay, to God I'm special, yeah, yeah, but you know what I mean.) And I AM OKAY WITH THAT. Nothing is wrong with being normal. NOTHING. And you know what? I'm also okay with the fact that my kids will most likely be normal as well. They don't walk by 9 months or speak sentences by a year. And that is just fine by me. So why is it that when I say this to people, they insist that my kids are so smart and that I am so beautiful. I know its not the truth, and I wonder why they insist it is. Well, today I was listening in NPR (I do that a lot) and they broadcast a show with the guy who started the What White People Like blog. I get it now.
#16 "Gifted" Children
White people love “gifted” children, do you know why? Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted! Isn’t that amazing?
I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run.
The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as “gifted” and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school.
But wait, aren’t there white people who aren’t doctors or lawyers, or even all that smart?
Well, here is another one of those awesome white person win-win situations.
Because if a white kid gets crappy grades and can’t seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school.
Eventually they will show their creativity in their elaborate constructions of bongs and intimate knowledge different kinds of mushrooms and hash.
This is important if you ever find yourself needing to gain white person acceptance. If you see their kid playing peacefully, you say “oh, he/she seems very focused, are they in a gifted program?” at which point the parent will say “yes.” Or if the kid is lighting a dog on fire while screaming at their mother, you say “my he/she is a creative one. Is he/she gifted?” To which the parent will reply “oh, yes, he’s too creative and smart for school. We just don’t know what to do.” Either situation will put a white person in a better mood and make them like you more.
But NEVER under any circumstance imply that their child is less than a genius. The idea that something could come from them and be less than greatness is too much for them to bear.
ps. If you comment with some dumb reassurance, I will block you from ever reading my blog again. Okay, I won't. I can't. But I will want to.
12 comments:
But Janae you are beautiful and your kids are so smart. Now go ahead and try to block me, I dare you! :)
so funny! i actually have a "white" friend and she fits sooo perfectly into this group. except her children are not only very very smart and quick learners/speakers/walkers, hers are also very spirtually minded and understand the scriptures at the ripe old age of 5. i just love hearing her and her husband talk about their children...barf(roll my eyes).
Oh my goodness. As a school teacher you deal with this all the time. Especially with rich and/or super involved parents. "My kid is going to Harvard what are you doing about it?" "Well, since they're 10 and still struggling with multiplication we're working on that." I think you are rare in that you can accept that 98% of us are pretty normal and that's okay. I think it's an American thing- we think we have to be special or the best. It's good to try to improve but since most of us won't ever become a genius just by wishing it we're bound to be frustrated.
That man is my new hero.
I can't confirm the genius of your kids. I haven't been around them enough. Though sleeping in the sink sounds pretty creative. My child, on the other hand, is tremendously gifted. He knows how to scream at the top of his lungs to get my attention. :)
my mom would LOVE this! she teaches ALPS. i think in her 20-30 yrs of teaching, she could count on one hand the amount of gifted kids she's had. i love it! this man is the gifted one! totally genious! and a good laugh too.
all jayson has ever said he wants is normal children. some people want their children to be geniuses...not jayson. normal is all he wants. which cracks me up because his brother was here last week (who has decided to homeschool his son) and he said "tell me one leader who has gone through the public education system!" we couldn't think of any...then we asked...do you really want your son to be president of the united states? what's wrong with being normal anyway?
i wouldn't know, it must be a white thing.
I disagree. I don't think you are normal at all!
Do I get blocked from the blog now?
Derek
Okay, how true is that? When I taught school, most parents of misbehaving students said their child was just bored and didn't have enough to do. Yeah right! But I am with you--I am very normal and okay with it most of the time!
Isn't that so how it is. It might even be connected with the "oh, not my little angel...it must have been something that YOU did, because he's perfect and wouldn't do anything that terrible...ever!" mentality that is also incredibly prevalent in the schools and society over all.
So sad.
I would never call my child "gifted." it just seems silly. I've heard parents of 2 year olds talking in hushed tones about how their child is "gifted". Implying that non-gifted kids are less favored or something.
I think my kids are smart, but kindness is a far more important attribute to cultivate.
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